“..Hello there, Aloof Hipster Dad at the playground.
I was hoping you might get off your iPhone for five minutes because, me and you, we need to have a man-to-man.
I would also appreciate it if you could remove your ironically oversized Hugh Hefner sunglasses so we can maintain eye contact.
Yes, also the big padded D.J. headphones with the skull picture on them.
I need you to go ahead and take those off for me.
And the Bluetooth device.
Thanks. Whoops – do you mind not tweeting while we talk?
I have a feeling I may be needing your undivided attention.
There is a question I would like to ask you, Aloof Hipster Dad at the playground.
See that little three-year-old strapped into the black Bugaboo-brand stroller under the monkey bars – way over there on the other side of the playground?
The little guy in the Sex Pistols T-shirt and the Velcro-strap Converse All-Stars?
Yeah, exactly – the one with the nose ring.
Is that your kid?
For a second there, it sounded like you said, “I think so.”
Anyway, that kid has been crying its head off for 15 minutes now – so I thought maybe you might want to go over and see if he’s okay.
Yes, I am sure it’s not my kid who’s crying.
My kid is this individual standing next to us.
She’s actually the one who suggested we find you.
How old are you? Thirty-four?
Wow, I didn’t realize they even made wallets with chains on them for 34-year-olds!
Come on, let’s all go over there together.
You ride your skateboard – and I’ll run interference if the nannies yell at you…”
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