Category Archives: fake-tweets

“..ackshully..i understand some people are saying that i will be outta here soon..? ..that i will either resign..or call an early election..? ..now..just because i hate being a loser.. ..and because i don’t need this shit anymore.. ..and just because … Continue reading →

“i am so sick of these peasants getting in my way.. ..don’t they all know i was born to be the new zealand prime minister..? ..and no..!..the rumours that i am changing my name to ‘dick’..are false and malicious.. ..nor … Continue reading →

‘..i..i,,dunno what to do..i..i..dunno what to think.. ..what is going on..? ..i am losing what little authority i had from this concerted attack from the commies.. ..and what will matty hooten and the boys all think..? ..those conversations/understandings we had … Continue reading →

“..ackshully..i am getting the sheets with this gig.. ..we are dog-tucker..we have no plan b..w.t.f…!..eh..?.. ..so i reckon an early snap-election is the best way to go..eh..? ..’cos it’s only going to get worse between now and the election next … Continue reading →

“..i..um..!..ah..um..!..ah..!..i think..um..!..ah..? ..i think..um!..ah!..that i..um..!..ah..! ..that i don’t know what to um..!..ah..!..think about..um..!..ah..! ..anything really..”

“..did you see my tut-tutting at the racism of prosser-the-tosser the other day..? ..heh..!..kinda funny..eh..? ..esp. when you consider i have been running that black-campaign against the poor/unemployed..stigmatising/demeaning/marginalising them..since forever.. ..(who could forget that fake-maari-benificiary we made up..?..that ‘tania heke’..? … Continue reading →

“..look..!..i know i have spent $63,000/$700 per day on travel-expenses in the last 90 days… ..but i am a very very important man.. ..and anyway..i have to go now.. ..i did nothing yesterday..i had a day off.. ..so i have … Continue reading →

“..ackshully..didyasee the deal i hammered out of gillard..? ..we only have to take a bunch of their refugees.. ..and..and..and..as a payback..the ossies have promised to keep an eye out for refugee-boats coming here.. ..and we have never had a refugee … Continue reading →

“..ackshully..!..i’m reely pleezed about how the corporate-media crew got all the way through watangi without even mentioning asset-sales.. ..heh..!..it reminded me of the american election..where global-warming wasn’t mentioned..by anyone.. ..heh..!..control the message..and you control the political agenda..eh..? ..well done boys … Continue reading →

look..!..it is just not true that i was seen hanging out in the legal-pot shops in hawaii.. ..and there is no footage of me wearing one of those big/wooly rastafarian hats..and hanging off a giant spliff.. ..and no..i did not … Continue reading →

look..!..i would just like to refute the rumours flying around that the leather seat in my ministerial bmw has become welded to my arse.. ..and no..!..i do not like to sleep in the bmw.. ..and i do not give it … Continue reading →

i am really really happy about not being a minister any more..’cos i will be able to spend more time in whangarei.. (..no..!..really..!..choke..!..sob..!..) ..why won’t anyone believe me..?

i have this build-up of the corpses of a string of labour party spokespeople on health.. ..and i thought i should make some use of them.. ..so i thought i would learn how to stuff and display them..

i am just practising my rictus-smile.. ..i get a feeling i will be needing it in 2013..

i am just getting my oleaginous-change for the new year.. ..and i am having a lovely holiday..i’m being shouted by my friends in the alcohol and tobacco industries.. ..it’s a drinking and smoking tiki-tour.. ..but not that nasty pot-smoking..!..my alcohol … Continue reading →

it’s summer..! ..so i’m sporting my ‘beach-model’ strap-on dildo.. ..it’s got palm trees on the side of it..

leave me alone..!..i am just trying to eat all those genter-memories out of my head..!

i have decided it is time for me to tell the unbirthed women of our great nation.. ..just why it is only i..who has birthed.. ..who has the authority to pontificate on matters such… ..(and a holiday question/chore for you..if … Continue reading →

oh..!..it’s lovely..! ..i can nana-nap whenever i want to..! ..dreams of when i was mayor of auckland..(that was much more fun than parliament..!..everyone just laughs at me here..mother told me not to come..i should have listened to her..) ..and back … Continue reading →

the annual xmas gathering of the whanau is proving to be a tad awkward/strained… ..i tried a ‘where there’s a will..there’s a way!’-joke..but it fell a bit flat..

just you wait ’till i get back from holiday..! ..i will be speaking like sean connery… ..or..or..darth vader.. ..(i still haven’t decided which one yet..)

oh..!..goody..!..goody..!..i got the mr bean boxed-set for xmas..!..i can pwactice all the holidays long..!

we have had a lovely time..! ..we went a bit crazy with the shopping/credit card.(sorry..!..debit-card..of course..!..i don’t need credit any more..silly me..!.) ..and we just stayed at home..watching old home movies..reminiscing..eating lots and lots of chocolate..(oh..!..naughty me..!..) ..videos of the … Continue reading →

if you thought i was a supercilious prick before… ..wait ’till you see my new sneer-job..!

hi gang..!..has anyone got one of those fancy knife-sharpeners i could borrow..? ..(best to ‘be prepared’..eh..?..)

look..!..ackshully..!..could someone please close down the rumours swirling around back there that i am over here in hawaii hanging out in legal-pot-shops..and getting down with the bro’s.. (everyone knows that i once smoked a joint in the 80′s..and..and..i got really … Continue reading →